Before I get into my five tips to help if you find Valentine's Day incredibly hard, I have a lukewarm reception to Valentine’s Day. There are issues I see with it, but I also like it. I always try to be balanced in my writing approach. But since this is partially an opinion piece, I’m sure my feelings will slip in here, so I’ll get them out upfront.
My Valentine's Day history
Why I like it
I’ve enjoyed it since childhood. I think it has to do with red being my favourite colour. I loved cinnamon candy hearts and giving and getting presents anytime! In school, I would make gifts for all my friends and bring cards for everyone in my class. My family celebrated Valentine’s Day. We still get together around it and give each other little presents.
Why I dislike it
It’s commercialism at its best. And honestly, why is there a holiday that celebrates couples only? It is a holiday when depression is high, and suicide rates are the highest during the year. I can’t wrap my head around an exclusionary holiday. That’s why I like the way my family does it. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in or out of a relationship; it’s for all of us. The cost of Valentine’s Day dinner also boggles my mind. How does a restaurant justify tripling prices by calling it a tasting menu? Yet restaurants are always packed.
It begins
From Emiliana Simon-Thomas, a neuroscientist with Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, “Valentine’s Day is so shamelessly promoting this idea of passion and romance and the perfect relationship, and that’s difficult when people look at their own lives and wonder, ‘What’s wrong with me?’”
The commercialism around Valentine’s Day can be an overwhelming pressure. It’s already all over social media, TV, and movies. Sales of greeting cards, jewelry, flowers, and chocolates will skyrocket.
Every couple walking by hand-in-hand and each bouquet delivered to coworkers or friends can trigger feelings of grief, self-loathing, and failure for those who are feeling lonely. It can happen whether you have lost a loved one, recently broken up with someone, are in an unhappy relationship, or are single but looking for a match.
If someone has a pre-existing mental health concern, this can trigger severe emotions. After doing statistical research for this article, I found that suicide-related calls spike around Valentine’s Day, and suicides are highest this time of year for countries that celebrate it. Romantic trouble is the primary cause for the calls that are received.
Even couples can find it overwhelming. It can get tough if one or both of you aren’t into Valentine’s Day but have people continually asking you what you’re doing or what you got. If you are into it but don’t have a lot of money to spend, you can be left feeling embarrassed if your gift isn’t comparable to others.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent or reduce the holiday blues, whether it means doing something extra special with a friend or taking some time for yourself.
Here are some tips to help if you find Valentine's Day incredibly hard
These tips can work regardless of your relationship status. Start them today and continue them for days after February 14.
Focus on your positives
A key component of Valentine’s Day sadness is a sense of grieving. It can be for someone you’ve recently broken up with, someone who has passed, or someone or something you wish you had.
- One way to balance this is to put life into perspective. Focus on the positive things you have achieved in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Think of at least one thing you did well or that made you happy.
- If you are grieving the loss of someone and you did celebrate Valentine’s Day, remember all the happy times you had and how they made you feel.
- Make a list of your achievements, no matter how small they may seem to you. They may not mean anything to anyone else, but your accomplishments have worth to you. For example, you decided to cut out caffeine and finally kicked the habit; you finished a challenging project; you learned a new skill; or you changed your spending habits.
- Think about the positive feedback you receive from family, friends or coworkers. Take the time to remember what it is about you that people find fabulous, especially during the times you’re starting to feel bad about yourself. By recognizing your accomplishments and focusing on the positives, you can begin to understand your importance and that you have self-worth.
Stay away from things that will make you feel sad
If possible, don’t hang around with the people that may make you feel bad. The same goes for something that makes you feel bad. Maybe this isn’t the time to drown your sorrows in sad songs. Stay off of TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat…, and all social media that will trigger negative emotions. I recommend staying off social media for days after Valentine’s Day. There will be lots of posts afterwards as well.
Do what you love
Do something you enjoy, even if it’s something you’ve never done before. That could mean cooking a nice meal, going for a walk, or taking a class. I am a big proponent of treating yourself well.
Cook a gourmet meal. Do it for yourself or invite some friends or family over. If you need some inspiration, check out some of my recipes.
Have a spa day. Spa treatments can make you feel like a million dollars. You don’t need to go to a spa, especially if seeing others will bring you down. Create a spa day at home. I recently wrote an article about creating one.
Do something just for you
Here are just some ideas of things you can do for yourself:
- Buy yourself something new.
- Workout. Exercise releases endorphins, which help boost your mood.
- Binge-watch your favourite movies or shows.
- Try a dish you haven’t eaten before.
- Take an online class that day, like a cooking class or painting.
- Read a book about an unfamiliar topic.
- Watch a different type of movie than you normally would see – do you usually only watch comedies? Try a drama or sci-fi movie instead.
- Look at your everyday surroundings and see if you can take unusual photos. It will help you look at “everyday” things from a new viewpoint.
- Rearrange some of the items in your kitchen or tackle a bigger change, like rearranging your furniture.
Seek support
Most importantly, if you feel overwhelming feelings of depression or sadness, contact a healthcare professional, counsellor or psychologist.
These are just some tips to help if you find Valentine's Day incredibly hard. If you have gone through this or are currently going through it and have some suggestions that work for you and don’t mind sharing, please add them in the comments. Your suggestions may be able to help others.
